So then that happened…

Note to self: don’t fuck around with that toxic southern swamp water.  It clearly creates a chemical reaction with that ice-cold north-Atlantic brine coursing through your veins.

Two and a half days in the hospital getting stuck with needles and pumped full of antibiotics is no way to finish off a vacation.  Just a little cellulitis.  No big whoop.  They released me today, but kept the IV tube in so that I can come back and visit often.  My first stint in the hospital was truly a crash course in do’s and don’ts of nurse etiquette. 

Do’s:

         Thank everyone often

         don’t complain.  Yeah, it sucks.  Whining isn’t going to make anything better

         Keep the outside opinions of all your friends in the medical profession to a minimum.  Assume that the folks in uniform know what they are doing, what with their being there and seeing it and all.

Don’ts:

        Wearing your robe backwards, exposing yourself, is only funny once.  And if you do, rub it a little first.  It’s cold in the hospital and the humor of the moment is completely lost if met with the wrong kind of laughter. 

        The sponge bath joke has apparently grown stale…save it for the locker room steak-head.

        Don’t sneak beer in to drink during the Bruins game.  They don’t like that.

        Don’t ask you ‘student nurse’ if he lives in a van out back and ordered his outfit online.  Makes things even more awkward.

        When four nurses help you into the shower across the hall,  Do not hit the emergency button, tuck your cock’n’balls back between your legs (Buffalo Bill style), and scream that your penis fell off. 

If you are laughing at your computer right now  than this one was for you. 

For the record, I have had a good friend of mine that is a fine finish carpenter on retainer for quite some time to build my peg leg when the time comes.  This is the closest I have come, to date, to cashing in that chip.

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3 Responses to “So then that happened…”

  1. Larchez David Says:

    Did Sarah faint again? It looks like you should give it a good squeeze like a zit. Probably very rewarding if you did.

  2. cs5shooter Says:

    it was for me…..cellulitis….bad shit !

  3. MOAM Says:

    thanks for sharing.

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