You ever have one of those days?

You know, one of those days that couldn’t be going better?  Nice warm weather and you decide to take advantage: nothing hectic, just some yard stuff that you’ve been putting off.  The kind of day where you just can’t help but pause, fill your lungs with that autumn, leaves falling from the trees smell.  You think to yourself  “self, I’m going to fire up the fire-pit on the deck and watch the sun set with a beer and the sweet sound of thick pork chops sizzling on the grill.  Maybe even call a neighbor or two to see if their wives are busy.”

And BAM!!  You go and cut your god damned finger off with an axe.

I’m finding that cutting yourself with an axe is really a lot cooler than cutting yourself with a knife, or broken glass or some other predictable shit.  Definitely going to have to cover the hatchet wound this week.  You know, keep the ol’ hatchet wound clean and moist.  And the scars going to be a winner:

That’s 17 total (counting the three disintegraters inside).  When they’re putting stitches inside of you, that’s when you know you’ve made it.   Oh, and when the doctor says: “hey, I remember you.”

The silver lining?  I got ‘The Jerk’ to believe that a deer had bitten me after I wounded it.  Gotta count for something?

So let’s tip the glass to the self-proclaimed biggest cluster-fuck this side of the prime meridian…


One Response to “You ever have one of those days?”

  1. M Says:

    ummmm….. Pork Chops.

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